Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
