she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we're making bets on your personal life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
