I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
