No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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