Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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