I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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