Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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