Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
