You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
2020 sucks, I want a refund
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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