Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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