If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
