It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
