yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
