you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
