Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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