waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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