I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
