Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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