mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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