You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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