I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
