he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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