I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
