brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
