Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
