We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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