I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
