That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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