you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
