zippers are such a cool invention
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
