but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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