tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
