She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize