Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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