I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize