the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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