did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
