I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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