GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize