theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
