I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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