you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You pole danced in your parka.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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