he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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