i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
