Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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