oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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