When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
