Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
