Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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