i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
