i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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