I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
