It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
