Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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(323): View more from California

I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(432): View more from Texas

So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..

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(703): View more from Virginia

i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why

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(513): View more from Ohio

Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.

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(530): View more from California

Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.

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(989): View more from Michigan

you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober

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(865): View more from Tennessee

i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.

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