I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
