I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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