I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
