Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
