The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
