dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
