i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
