We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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