I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i now understand why vodka
and you fell through a lawn chair
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
