I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
