doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
